Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
