Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
