I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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