i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
