OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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