All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
