Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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