Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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