i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
