Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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