I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
