So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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