these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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