Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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