I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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