Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
