every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
