i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
