ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All the doctor said was why
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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