Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
