He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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