I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
