i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
