a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
