So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
