Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
