So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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