If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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