Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
