They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
