Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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