It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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