Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
