I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
