Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
