As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
