Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
