I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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