well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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