so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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