So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
