Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
