My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
