I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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