Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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