i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
