i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
