I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize