he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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