I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
