The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
