Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
