i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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