He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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