I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
