My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
