i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
