did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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