my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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