Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
