physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
