...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
