Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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