The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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