Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my poor anus
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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