Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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