I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
