The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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